Get it Together, Girl

Seriously, get it together! This statement seems to be repeated over and over in my mind as I meander my way from week to week, day to day, or even hour to hour. I feel so disorganized. I feel like I am winging it...winging my life these days. Who am I? Where am I? What do I do? Where do I go?

I can't really explain what is going on with me. It's just that most days I feel I don't identify with myself anymore. It's like I am searching for my former self, but she is nowhere to be found. Who was I anyways? Who am I now? Why can't I just feel settled and happy with where I am at today? Why do I feel the need to be defined?

I know, I's getting deep! But it really isn't so bad! I guess it is just that ol' internal struggle when changes come about in life. I guess I've been through a lot of changes and transitions in the past few months, and I am trying to sort it all out. How do the changes affect my being and my identity? How do I let go of the past and embrace the present and future?

I am coming to terms with losing some of the comforts of my former life and creating new comforts in my present life. I guess it's just that I want and like to be in control, and lately, a lot of things have been beyond my control. And whenever change occurs, it is easy to feel like all control is gone. And as much as I try to go with the flow, some days it is hard.

I, mean, really all the things that have changed have been good. I have a son and I'm a mother now. I got a new job. I seriously can't complain about those things. But any change, even good change, shakes things up a bit. It means operating in a different manner. It means reorganizing how I do things. It means shifting my focus and recreating part of my identity. And some of these are a lot easier said than done.

But I am working on it. I am working on getting myself together. I am working on adjusting to the changes. And I am sure, in the end, I will be happier than I was previously.

Maybe later I will share some of my difficulties with all this change. I've been in a funk. I've avoided blogging and doing other things I enjoy. But I am working myself out of it. I am telling myself, "Get it together, girl." And that is what I am bit at a time.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there Stinky! I've been there and don't be shy about calling if you ever need to vent. When you get more sleep and make time for yourself (easier said than done) it gets better. N


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