A Very Sexy Halloween...or Not?

So Naeners and I have plans to go visit our friends, the vBs, in Richmond, VA, on the weekend that Halloween falls. We are super-duper excited to go see them...for lots of different reasons. First and foremost, we haven't visited with them in forever. Secondly, they are always fun to hang-out with. And third, they've been doing lots of updates on their home, so we wanna see all of the hard work.

I get off topic, though. The vBs let us know that they had been invited to a Halloween Party on Friday of the weekend that we are coming to visit, and they wanted to know if we would be up for going to the party. We said, "Sure! Why not? We're up for whatever." Come to find out, this Halloween party is not a typical Halloween festivity. It is typical in the sense that everyone is expected to dress up; however, the atypical part is that you don't get to choose your own costume. The party hostesses/hosts inform everyone (by couple) of their costume assignment. Interesting, I should say!

So Nae-Nae and I were eagerly awaiting our assignment this past weekend. What would it be? A scary monster? A ghoulish ghoul? A spooky cat? A grostesque goblin? Well...none of the aforementioned! Our costume assignment....(drum roll please)...SUPER SEXY JAILBIRDS!!! Yeah, you read that right!

WTF? How the heck am I going to pull of a sexy inmate? And even more so, how is Nae-Nae going to do that? Sorry guys, but there are more options for women to be "sexy" anything than men! Naeners immediately texted Mr. vB, and he learned that their costume assignment was SUPER SEXY AMISH PEOPLE!! After hearing their assignment, I immediately thought that we got the better end of that assignment stick!

I immediately went to work perusing the internet and searching for super sexy prsioner/inmate/convict/felon/jailer outfits. And lo and behold, there is a whole market out there for these outfits. Now, the next part, is me figuring out what I will feel comfortable enough to wear to a party where Naeners and I will know no one except for the vBs. Plus, the older I get, the more conservative I have become in making sure my naughty bits are completely covered.

Let me give you a very small sampling of some of the SUPER SEXY prison outfits I have to choose from:

Costume #1: The basic orange prison jumpsuit...except not so basic. First and foremost, my ta-tas do not look like the models in this picture. Secondly, neither does my stomach. Third, neither do my hips. It is definitely sexy and super fun. But do I really want to walk around with handcuffs on my wrists all night...that would surely inhibit my ability to drink!

Costume #2: Here is the classic black and white striped prison jumpsuit.The same three reasons I listed above for the outfit not quite looking the same on me pretty much apply to this one and all of the other costumes you will see. Now, having said that, I am totally digging the cutouts on the top and the bottoms. Plus, the black and white stripes suit me more than orange.

Costume #3: Love the sparkles, but I am not sure if grey and black says prisoner. What do you think? I do love the fact that the chained handcuffs are much longer...it gives one optimal mobility to be able to chug those drinks at a party where I will already feel socially awkward and weird.

Costume #4: This is the Prisoner of Love costume (See the little heart locket at the neck). This costume could be very figure flattering, and it is a little more conservative but definitely fun and flirty.

 Costume #5: This prisoner outfit definitely screams "convict with a history with a pole and a dance floor." Don't ask me how I know! I don't know if the pink is naughty enough to pull off the felon effect.

Costume #6: Back to the orange jumpsuit. Now, I think this jumpsuit is super-duper sexy. But alas, my butt doesn't quite look like the model's butt. And the handcuff belt...super cool idea!

Costume #7: Now this costume is one little naughty prisoner outfit, but where are the girl's nipples? Would I lose my nipples if I wore this outfit? Plus, I am not sure how I would be able to see with the head band over my eyes.

Costume #8: Does this outfit say sexy felon or sexy referee? I think this one could go either way, except for the handcuff part. I wonder if this girl has nipples or if she is trying to hit the fact that she doesn't. What do you think?

Costume #9: Super cute and super fun! But is it super sexy? I love how she has the words GUILTY plastered across her buttocks...it adds as nice touch!

Costume #10: I am not sure what to say about this one. I do like the fact that is is more realistic to a prisoner outfit because it has pants rather than a skirt of shorts. I am not too sure about the sexy factor on this one, though.

Costume #11: How many "angels" have you seen in prison? And the pink takes it over the top! But I do like the sparkles.

So now that you have seen all that I have to choose from for sexy jailbird costumes, which one do you think I should go for? Which one do you think I will actually pick to wear? I must tell you that I have tried on one of these outfits, and kind of liked it. It covered the naughty bits but still had a flair of sex appeal. Can you guess which one I tried on?


  1. You crack me up.. love the options...Mr. vB and I are anxious to find out which one you picked!!


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