Yesterday was Quin's first official day of school.
Okay, not school, but daycare. But I think we are going to call it school because he will be spending his days learning lots of new things.
And, it wasn't a full day. He was only there for 2 hours. But it was the most difficult 2 hours of my and Naener's life (except maybe when I was trying to push him out!). Naeners started getting a little choked up in the morning before we left the house. He said he was nervous about the little guy's first day. I think I was too focused on getting him and everything else together that it hadn't hit me that I was actually taking him to be cared for by someone other than me. Even when I dropped him off, I was in such a daze because the teacher was asking lots of questions, and I was trying to figure out where to put the bottles and extra clothing and diapers and blankets and what forms to complete that it still hadn't hit me. Quin looked perfectly happy sitting in the bouncy seat. He was laughing and cooing and taking in all of the new sights. I gave him a kiss and ran out the door.
I made sure that I had something planned to distract me for the 2 hours he was there, so I headed to Target to pick-up a few items. I, then, traveled home where I promptly got on the internet to watch him. The daycare we are using has video cameras in the rooms where parents can log in and see what's going on. I was a little teary-eyed in Target, but I completely lost it when I saw him on the computer. The images were a little blurry but I could see that he was being carried around by one of the teachers. I couldn't tell if he was crying. I then saw the other teacher take him and sit with him in a rocking chair. I think she was trying to give him a bottle. I watched long enough, and I was a wreck. It was time to go pick up my Mini-Stink.
When I got to the room, he was asleep in the teacher's arms. She said that he had just fallen asleep. Both teachers said that he did well but would not take the bottle. I became teary-eyed, again. They reassured me that he would not starve to death, and he would learn to take the bottle (I've been trying for several weeks to get him on the bottle, but he only takes it sporadically), and other infants have started daycare not taking a bottle as well.
I, then, started feeling really sad because I guess I was mourning the loss of our morning time snuggles and the special days we've had together the past 11 weeks. I boo-hooed all the way home. When I woke him up to get ready for school was the time I usually pull him into bed with me for the rest of the morning until we are both ready to wake and face the day. I felt it was our special mommy and son time...just the two of us all snuggled together. And I felt so guilty waking him and getting him dressed rather than snuggling with him in the morning.
I didn't know it was going to be this difficult. And each day this week, I am going to leave him a little longer until he has a full day on Friday. It's back to work for me next Monday, and I need for us all to be ready to get into the swing of things. It is going to be a big adjustment for us all. My hubby and I have enjoyed having me at home with our son, but we also knew that I would be going back to work. It just feels that the time has come so quickly. And before we know it, we will be settled into a routine, and hopefully, all of us will be happy with the way our days will go.
At least I know that the weekends are still reserved for morning family snuggle time...and I can't wait until this Saturday morning!